I still remember how beautiful my world when you were the center of it. Reminiscing about it, I knew it wasn’t full of laugh. It was full of ups and downs instead. Even so, why could the smile still stay after all if it was with you?
I came to naught over and over again. I felt that I lost all hopes and dreams and cried along the way home. I felt like there was nothing I could do since everything was completely rejecting me. My study, occupation, family, and friendship were all gone. I was all alone. At that time, you suddenly were the one who came to my mind. You, all of sudden, were the one whom I think I could live my life with.
I ran home and saw you standing in front of my house. I saw your soulful eyes as if saying don’t worry, I’m here. You then tried to cheer me up by making me best dishes in the universe. I never knew watching you wearing apron would be so comforting and attractive.
I instantly forgot how bad today was. I just sat at the bar watching you excitedly. You asked, “do I look that stunning?”
I always loved to see you cooking. Aprons weirdly suited you better than any other outfits. Also, you somehow looked happiest while making dishes. Your eyes told me that. You also showed me the brightest and the most comforting smile in the universe. That genuinely made me feel extremely contented.
I couldn’t tell why seeing you was my best way to heal. Every time I lost, I always looked for you, talked to you, ate the dishes you cooked, held your hand, and hugged you. These somehow could make me wanted to live again. Being with you was such drinking an extra-life pill.
Remembering it in the present, I realize that I shouldn’t have relied on you that much. Nothing stays forever no matter how hard we try to hold it. Despite of those who wanted to be with you, we were getting distance from time to time. You with your line of life, and me with mine.
One day, you got an opportunity to work abroad. You said, “would you come with me?”
At that time, I was too concern of my dreams that started to become real. I was being careless for any other matters, including you. So, at that moment, all I say was, “I will consider to nothing but my dreams.”
At the very last moment of him in this city, he called me and I stupidly rejected it. I was in the middle of a meeting with my client-to-be. I could have answered the call, but I chose to not in the end. After that, I got him nowhere to be found. I lost him. I ignored his last call.
Not long after, I got what I dreamed of all this time. However, I did feel flat. This was what I wanted all this time but why did I feel like this?
Later on, I realized that it was because you were not there. I could not celebrate it with someone I adored the most, the one who was willing to stay with me no matter how hard it was. At that moment, I knew that I lost the most important one in my life. I lost you, my world.
I knew it was too late. Calling you or asking you to come back was in vain. I should have answered your call that day. This must have caused a terrible hurt for you too. I’m sorry for all the pain I have caused you along the way. I really am.
I realized how deep I was in love with him only after he had disappeared from my sight.
Saturday, 10 June 2023
fika.
